The Vocaloid Diaries
by that one username
Summary: Love, hate, Starbucks- just the daily lives of the Vocaloids. This is a crack fic that is not meant to be taken seriously in any way. Cover pic by WistariaEyes on dA.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello everyone, thanks for checking out my story! Now before you expect something that is canon, let me just tell you that it's not canon _at all._ It may have some references to canon things, but this is purely a crack fic only. They are going to act really OOC. It's not meant to be taken seriously at all.**

 **I apologize for any grammatical errors**

 **Enjoy!**

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Dear Diary,

Today I had to get up super early to go to the recording studio. Apparently they had a new song for me to sing. The limo came to pick me up, but a swarming mass of fans got in its way. Probably more weebs. Eventually, they had to get twelve bodyguards to push the fans out of the way.

By that time we only had thirty minutes left, so the limo had to floor it. We ended up going 90 mph and almost ran over some people on the way there. Oh well.

When I stepped out of the limo, I almost threw up, which _really_ put me in the mood to record a song. Then I noticed a slight problem. I was missing a mocha frappe.

"Um, where's my Starbucks?" I had asked the driver. "I thought I requested to have it by the time I arrived."

He just blushed and apologized. "I-I'm sorry miss, but it's too late for that."

"It's also too late to save your job." I snapped my fingers and two of my other workers escorted him away. That's how quick you go in this business if you can't keep up, especially if you're working for me.

I was then led to the recording studio. The producers were already there, and apparently they had been for some time. They glared at me when I walked in for some reason. "Why weren't you here earlier? Like, _two hours_ earlier?" They had grumbled. "We sent someone to get you up hours ago."

"You can't rush beauty sleep," I said simply as I sipped my Starbucks. It was the truth. I won't get up before 10 am. It's just impossible. They should know this from last time.

The producers just mumbled something under their breath and motioned for me to go into the studio. I saw the most horrifying thing when I walked in: Kaito. Kaito eating ice, that is. It was dripping from his hair and his mouth.

"Hi!" He said, smiling. Bits of chocolate chips were stuck in between his teeth. It was so gross. Almost as gross as the last time he got a cold and had snot running down his face.

"Eww, what is this _thing_ doing here?" I rolled my eyes. I hate getting paired up with that dork. He does the weirdest things and always hits on me. He might actually be cute if he had more than one brain cell.

"You guys are both going to be in the new song. Actually, Kaito's going to sing it, but you're going to be dancing with him in the new music video."

They lied to me and told me that _I_ would be singing today just so that I would drag myself out of bed. They knew better than to tell me the truth. If they had told me that I was going to be working with Kaito then there's no way I would have showed up.

"Nope. Not happening." I threw my Starbucks on the floor and walked out, flipping my pigtails on the way out. It would have been over right then and there had it not been for that idiot. Of course he _always_ has to butt in.

"Miku, wait up! Don't go!" Kaito had grabbed my wrist, stopping me. Conveniently it just had to be the hand that had sticky, dripping ice cream all over it. I was so close to slapping him, he got lucky for sure.

"Don't touch me!" I jerked my hand away but he wasn't done bugging me yet.

"Just think of how cool this song and video will be! You could really help me out!"

I put a hand on my hip. This guy really is an idiot. Me, do something for him just to be nice? No way. The only nice thing I've ever done for Kaito is tell him how tacky his clothes look.

"Okay, well just think of all the money you'll get! And your popularity will boost!" At this point I could tell the kid was getting desperate. His eyes were practically pleading. No joke.

"Fine, I'll do it. But for _me_ only." Of course I was doing it for me. If it wasn't going to benefit me, then why should I do it? "What's the name of the song anyway? Probably something stupid, right?" No doubt it would be.

"It's Cantarella." Yep, it was stupid.

"Isn't that the name of a salad dressing?"

"No, that's Catalina." Dammit.

And that's how I got stuck working with the biggest idiot on the planet. I would write more, but it's getting late. The story doesn't end there, so I'll have to continue writing this tomorrow. It's time to get my beauty sleep on.

-Hatsune Miku

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 **Wow that was a crazy chapter. Who knew Miku was such a diva!**

 **Thanks again for reading, and please don't be shy! I love to read comments.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello! Thanks for checking out the second chapter! After I re-read the first chapter, I realized that I forgot to mention that it was Miku's diary. Sorry about that! This chapter is also Miku's diary.**

 **I apologize for any grammatical errors.**

 **Enjoy!**

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 **Miku's Diary**

Dear Diary,

It's finally time to tell the rest of the story, after some much deserved rest. After that hellish experience, I went back to the mansion and slept for the rest of the day. I swear, by the time I got home I felt like I was short circuiting. I feel much better, now that I've slept and had a steaming cup of herbal tea.

So after we had both agreed unfortunately to work together, they let Kaito into the recording booth to do his thing. And by do his thing I mean sing so terribly that I ended up getting earplugs. In all honesty he probably wouldn't have sounded so bad if he had just calmed down. The guy gets so worked up over things that I almost feel bad for him. _Almost._

That reminds me of when we were in first grade and we had show and tell for the first time. Kaito brought in his pet rock, Rocky Road, to show off. He was so nervous that he was trembling the entire time. Luka was _laughing_ at him the entire time. When he was finished presenting, he peed his pants.

Anyway, Kaito was so nervous that he had to re-record parts of the song multiple times because his voice was shaking so badly. He ended up sounding like a dying whale. After all that starting and stopping I figured the song would sound like a broken record.

I eventually had to step in and give him some "encouragement". I grabbed the mic that was linked to the inside of the recording booth and yelled, "Kaito, pull yourself together!"

He jumped and then glared at me. "What the heck Miku? Are you trying to give me a heart attack?"

"With all that spitting and sputtering you sound like you've already had one. You sound worse than a school girl from a romance anime!"

Upon hearing this he burst into tears and ran out of the room. Typical anime school girl. They really should cast him in an anime sometime. As he ran out, I grabbed his collar and whispered, "You're not going anywhere. Get in there and finish singing!" I tossed him back inside. He was crazy for thinking that I'd let him get away _that_ easily.

Needless to say, he didn't screw up anymore.

You would think that everything else that was left to do would be easy, since all that was left to do was film the video. I mean we're Vocaloids for crying out loud! Our whole purpose is to sing, dance, and change outfits a million times. That's our whole thing. But no, this guy acts like he's never danced before.

While we were dancing, Kaito somehow tripped over his own feet five times even though he was wearing flats and I was the one wearing heels. To make matters worse, one of the times when he fell, he grabbed the top of my dress. Luckily I grabbed it in time so that he couldn't see anything. Not only is he an idiot apparently he's a pervert too.

He was blushing and laughing after that incident happened, so I didn't hesitate to slap him. Kaito had pissed me off for the last time. I could feel hot, angry tears in my eyes. I hate when that happens. It makes me look weak but really I feel like punching someone in the face.

"I'm out of here!" I yelled, stomping out of the room.

"Wait, Miku! Think about me, I mean think about the money!" Kaito pleaded behind me.

"No! Screw you and the money! I have enough as it is anyway." I said pouting. That was a straight out lie and I knew it. No amount of money is good enough if you can always have more of it.

The director decided to step in at this point. "You don't want to do this Miku! Just look at the fans!" He pointed to a tinted window to my left. Sure enough, there were tons of middle-school aged girls pressed up against the glass eagerly. "Do you really want to let them down?"

For once, I actually considered his question. Despite how I act, I actually appreciate my fans. I like to see the joy on their faces as they smile. And no, not the joy that spreads across a pervert's face when he sees me dressed in a bikini for fanservice. I mean the genuine happiness you get when you see something you really love. Kind of like the joy I feel when a wad of hundred dollar bills is placed in my hands.

I sighed. "Whatever. Let's just finish this quickly, or Kaito's fans will be worshipping a dead idol."

We resumed the routine, and somehow it all worked out. Whether it was because of my death threat or because Kaito actually pulled his shit together, I'll never know.

When it was all over with, Kaito tried to high five me. "You were awesome, Miku!"

I dodged the attempt. "Don't push your luck, brat." He left me alone after that.

When I listened to the song and watched the video, I realized that they turned out nicely. Autotune is an amazing thing. Without it, Kaito's career would be in ruins. The dancing looks perfect too, but then again that's probably because I'm in the video to make it look better. One could never tell by looking at it that Kaito had fallen flat on his face approximately five times. Too bad. That would've been a hit on YouTube.

Even though working with him was completely and utterly exhausting, it was...fun, in a way. I can't believe I'm saying that about working with Kaito, but I am. Oh well, I'm sure the feeling will go away soon.

I'd love to stay and chat some more, but there's a pair of leeks calling my name, and I never pass up some good leeks.

-Hatsune Miku

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 **Thanks again for reading! Don't forget to leave feedback!**

 **Next time will be Luka's diary!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys, finally another update for this story! I had fun writing this chapter, Luka is so fun to write for. Her personality is so crazy and bubbly, it's hard not to like her. Thanks for staying with me even though it's been a while since I last updated. I've been very busy lately but I will try to update things ASAP!**

 **There will be some cussing but nothing too bad, so keep that in mind. I don't know if it would offend anyone reading this story, so I just thought I should give you a fair warning beforehand. ^^**

 **I apologize in advance for any grammatical errors.**

 **Enjoy!**

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Luka's Diary

I woke up today with the absolute WORST headache. I think I may have drunk a little _too_ much yesterday before going to my concert. I downed about 3 bottles of beer, but that's not that much, right? I mean, I'm notorious for drinking 10 bottles in one sitting, so that's child's play for me.

To top it all off, Miku and Kaito were singing karaoke in the living room. Miku's voice sounded like cat nails scratching against a chalkboard, and Kaito? Well, I don't know how to put it. Dying whale, maybe? Either way, they sounded awful. If only their fans knew what they sounded like without the autotune.

Since I couldn't go back to sleep after all that racket, I decided to go pester them some. I sneaked out of my bedroom and hid behind the corner. They were at the ending bridge of Miley Cyrus's song "The Climb", and Kaito was getting way into it. He was kneeling on the ground with one hand over his heart and his microphone clutched in the other. Miku was acting like her usual self, which is just a spoiled diva.

I tip toed over there, but I tripped over a potted plant. Yes, a hug ass potted plant. Don't judge me. I was still hungover.

Miku turned around to stare at me but Kaito kept singing. That kid was singing his tiny, unreal heart out. I busted out laughing at my own stupidity.

"What do you want?" Miku asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I came out here to see what all the God awful racket was about. But I see it's just Thing One and Thing Two, nothing special."

She flipped me off and went back to singing.

"That wasn't very Miku-Miku of you!"

She ignored me.

Since Miku was ignoring me, I decided to go bother Kaito. I knew that I could get under his skin easily. I've always been able to do that. People say that you should be nice, but being mean is so much fun.

Kaito was still in the moment, so I decided to snatch the microphone out from his hands. At first he didn't notice and kept singing. I snickered and dashed away with it. I ducked behind the corner again. Miku turned around to look at me, and she was smiling.

When Kaito noticed his precious sparkly pink microphone was missing, he went nuts. He jumped up and started running around, looking for it. "Where is my microphone? What happened to it? Who took it?"

I couldn't suppress a laugh anymore and started laughing hysterically. "The boogeyman took it!" I cried out in between laughs.

He growled and glared at me. "Luka! I'm going to _kill_ you!"

Kaito started chasing after me and I ran towards the back door that led to the pool. He had almost caught up with me when I opened the door, causing him to run into it as it was opened. He cursed under his breath and I kept running. He met up with me at the pool and he tried to push me in. I screamed and grabbed his shoulders, pushing him in instead.

Kaito stayed underwater for a couple of seconds and then resurfaced. "I hate you Luka! You always screw things up for me!"

I just shrugged. "Isn't that my job?"

"Oh, so you mean your job is to be a bitch?"

"Sure."

After that, I started to get bored again and decided to go back into the mansion. I hate sharing a house with everyone else, but since all of us are living here, that means we have to have a huge house. I guess it has its ups and downs but it's a pretty nice place. There are over 50 rooms and there are 10 floors. It looks more like a hotel, actually.

I went back to my bedroom and plopped down at the silver desk by the window. I opened my laptop and logged onto all of my social media pages. I decided to check out how things went at my concert that I didn't actually remember the performance of, since I was drunk the entire time.

Let's just say that things didn't go so good. When I first walked on stage, I had lipstick smeared all over my face, there was a lollipop stuck in my hair, and there was a beer stain on my top. Then, instead of opening with "No Logic", I burped the ABC song and then started crying about how I just wanted to go home. I was then dragged out by the body guards and the concert ended.

Surprisingly enough, even though the audience was cheated out of my awesome concert, they liked it anyway. They all thought it was hilarious. Some thought it was staged. That's all good and everything, especially since my career apparently didn't seem to suffer, but I can't believe I was drunk during my _entire concert._

I've got to pull it together. If I want my career to really skyrocket, I'm going to have to work harder. I can't take out Miku any other way.

You'd better not tell anyone else about my plans to take her out, because if you do, it'll be all over the tabloids for sure. And I can't afford for that to happen.

Yes, I get that you're just pieces of paper inside a vinyl book, but even you could pose a threat. So keep those lips closed.

I'll make sure my reign comes soon.

-Luka Megurine

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 **At this point, I don't know whose diary will be featured next. If you have any suggestions as to who I should write for next, please don't hesitate to let me know! And please let me know what you thought of this chapter!**

 **Thanks for reading!**


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